Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
