i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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