Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
