bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
