We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
