Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
