Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize