i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
