bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
