I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
