I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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