Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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