Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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