yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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