oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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