Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
