Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
