I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
