Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
