haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
