I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
