I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
