why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize