he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
