Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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