I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
