he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
