I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
no, he came in my armpit
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
