apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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