first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
