i just wanna soil my oats bro
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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