After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
