I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Randomize
