i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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