I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
