the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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