Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
