pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
