So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
