I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
