she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
