She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
