Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
