mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize