remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
