Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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