Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
