i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
