I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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