so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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