whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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