Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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