He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
