The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Help. Why am I so naked?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
