On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
