I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
