You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
