i may or may not be watching the land before time
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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