At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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