he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You were trust falling into bushes
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
