im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
soo... how was my night?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
