oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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