watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i am craving dick and cupcakes
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
