why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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