Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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