I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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