Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
