u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
