ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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