I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It's blow job season.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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