So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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