plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
