Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
